My Disquietude

I have been out of work for almost three months. Leaving my old full-time job that I hated seemed like a good idea at the time. I thought I would certainly find a job with my experience. Though here I sit typing away at what I hope will be a rope pulling me into some kind of sunlight. The icy moods I have been living in for the past few months just won't cut it anymore. I have to have control over my life again, I need to thaw out and relax. Being at the whim of others is the most frustrating and also eye opening experience I have had in a long time. Because despite my being unemployed for so long I have had many job interviews and I even had a job at one point but I left it knowing that it felt too similar to my last job. My boyfriend is happy that I left my last job in search of something that makes me "happier" but I can't help but wonder how many Americans are out there suffering daily through their jobs just because they can't or won't find something that they consider better than what they have currently. Putting myself in a position to have been judged for the past 12 weeks or so on has taught me so much about myself. While I find myself aware of certain "flaws" or disadvantages in  my personality I only recognize these facts. I refuse to be what the other demands of me. I will choose me and find a position in which to make money from that choice. My own self-worth is worth more to me than a new pair of shoes or the ability to go on vacation. I am certain that I will find something worth while as long as I don't give up looking for it. So many people have said or I'm sure thought that I am an idiot for leaving my last job with out the prospect of another in sight. To that I respond when you know enough is enough why would you stick around. Granted I sound a little humble at my decision here but don't be confused, I am fucking miserable. I need focus in my life, I need to wake up with something to do other than clean an already clean house. For so long I have been wanting to get back to writing and I guess today was just the day to begin. So now while I wait for some kind of job I can at least put some of my thoughts down.
I want this blog to represent my passions; existentialism, film, literature, art. I am not interested in becoming well-known. I am interested in inspiring another human being or giving someone insight that they wouldn't have had previously. This should display my growth and advent into my future, my life.